Last week went very well as far as exercise goes. I had three sessions with Anna and then worked-out alone on Saturday morning. But, I have not been logging my calories. The reason I have not been logging my calories, is because I didn't want to have to acknowledge my poor choices and excuses.
So, my girl Anna has figured me out and is holding me over the flame. Monday she left my abs screaming after a core work-out, then I ran with her running class...12 min run/1min walk/12min run/1 min walk...and another awesome stretching session. I cancelled with her yesterday, because of scheduling conflicts...but she didn't let me off the hook. She sent me some straight-forward, but encouraging texts:
Anna: "Got your message. Hate that you couldn't make it. I will see you Thursday at 4:30. Have a good night. Hope to see you tomorrow [cardio ball class]."
Anna: "Please bring me a copy of your three-day diary on Thursday for Monday-Wednesday"
Heather: "Yes Mam"
Heather: "Thank you for staying on me."
Anna: "You better believe it."
Anna: "By the way, never give up on yourself...always believe you can do more than what you are doing now. Then, we will both succeed!"
Heather: "I believe...I promise...just get distracted"
Anna: "No worries...really...you have goals..we now conquer them"
But here is the thing...I don't know if I really believe that I can lose this weight, because I just do not stick to the food guidelines that I set for myself. I do fine for awhile then it is like I just do not do it. Am I just a spoiled brat, unwilling to deprive myself of what I want? Or is there some kind of chemical in my body driving me to eat too much or things I have said that I wouldn't. Because when I am not following my food goals, I have these obsessive crazy person conversations in my head like...
"I want a Star Crunch. No, I don't need it. It will look bad in my food diary. I will be letting myself down. But I have to have it. No, it will make me feel guilty. But, nothing else will do. I have to eat it. I have to have it now. I don't even care. I just won't even journal for today. I will eat the Star Crunch. I will eat two Star Crunches. I will eat three Star Crunches. Since I am not journaling it anyway today, I will just eat as many as a I want, and eat really well tomorrow. I will lay in the bed with a good book, eat Star Crunches, and it will make me feel relaxed and satisfied. Tomorrow I will not eat any more Star Crunches, because they will be all gone. I will have eaten them all!"
No joke. This is the mind of a food addict.
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I can totally relate with the mind games about food. Happens here all the time. I consumed almost an entire blueberry cobbler by myself in 2 days. Made me feel all happy. Then really really guilty :(
ReplyDeleteI love that Anna is keeping you accountable for workouts, and staying on you!
Keep reminding yourself that changing a lifestyle is a process, not an overnight fix. Slow, small changes make a big difference after time. Maybe challenge yourselft to eat one HEALTHY/Clean meal a day. Something that is non processed, and will give your body some great nutrition. Keep at it Hedge, don't allow yourself to resign to anything that you aren't happy with, and settle because it's hard. Everything that is worth having takes work and sacrifice. Love you!
I love how honest you are about this, and think you're so brave! Everyone does this! I have eaten a dozen doughnuts over the weekend before. So, I just don't bring them home anymore. You need to break up with the Star Crunch. Don't even let them visit your house. :)
ReplyDeleteYay for Anna! And yay for Heather for knowing that Anna is just what she needs. Patience's idea about eating one good meal a day is good--we can all do that. Keep at it, you're doing great so far, even with the "slips." Proud of ya!
How many times have I had that dialogue myself????? How can food have such a psychological hold over us? We need to figure that out and then whip up a cure! Keep on keeping on....you KNOW you can do it......hang in there...pass by that star crunch and give it the finger...then the stink eye!!
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